Your Inner Voice

June 17th, 2007

There is something inside each of us that knows how to solve our problems. That something is called by many different names, depending on who you are talking to. Spirit, heart, soul, intuition, inspiration, conscience, higher self, God, …. the list of how people refer to this phenomenon is as long as the list of religions and philosophies out there. I will refer to this “something” as your inner voice or intuition (for the sake of simplicity).

InspirationYour Inner Voice

No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are doing in life, you have some familiarity with your inner voice, even if you have not yet realized it. It is that small whispering that comes from deep within you. It is the voice that tells you something is wrong, even if you have rationalized to yourself that it isn’t. It is the part of you that does not always appeal to your logic, but is always providing information that is for your highest good. Sometimes the task required of you by your inner voice is difficult, but you are never forced to follow.

Recognition of the Inner Voice

The way you experience hearing your inner voice may be different from others. Therefore, there is no way that I can tell you exactly what your inner voice sounds or feels like.

There are some things that I have learned on my own, and also from others who have shared their experiences with me. The following things seem to be true about the way intuition comes to most people:

  • There is no confusion coming from your inner voice. Although the things it tells you may disagree with your logic (and that of the world), you will feel a sense of peace, calm and certainty about what you are thinking and/or feeling. If you can set the other parts of your consciousness aside, and focus only on the inner voice, you will clearly know what do to.
  • Intuition is often an emotional process rather than a logical one. However, this is not to say that intuition never works with logic. Your intuition often guides you toward completely logical solutions! Generally, the reason your inner voice conflicts with your logic is only because your cognitive process is flawed, or you do not yet have enough information to understand the full picture. After you follow the whisperings of your inner voice, you can usually look back and see the logic in that guidance.
  • Many people describe the feelings related to their inner voice as warm, peaceful, light, hopeful, conviction, happy, love… Intimidation, fear and shame do not originate from your inner voice.
  • If you are unsure about what your inner voice is saying, try to look at your thoughts and feelings over a period of time. Your inner voice will not change its message just because a few days or weeks pass. If the same answers keep coming to you over and over, it is very possible that it your inner voice trying to tell you something.
  • As mentioned earlier, the more heed you give to the prompts of your inner voice, the more easily you are able to hear and recognize the voice the next time you need to hear it.

Strengthening Your Inner Voice

Following the prompts of your inner voice has a way of increasing your ability to hear it.

It is as if, with your choice to follow that voice, you are giving an invitation for it to come back and lead you again. Conversely, when you ignore what your inner voice tells you over and over again, you become more tuned out from the whisperings, and you may stop hearing it all together.

The more you obey your inner voice, the more you learn to trust it. This happens as you see that your inner voice really is wise and always pointing you toward your greatest good. It is easier to follow as your trust increases, and trust is built as the wisdom of that voice is validated by the outcomes of your decision to follow.

Following Your Inner Voice vs. Ignoring It

Each time your inner voice communicates something, you have the choice to follow the guidance it provides, or not. As mentioned before, you are never forced or coerced to follow your intuition. And as stated earlier, sometimes your inner voice directs you to do things are not easy.

So why follow your inner voice?

Because it always leads you toward your highest good.

If you want to test this statement to see if it holds true for you, there are a couple of ways to do it.

First, examine your past.

Have you had your intuition tell you to do something, and you chose not to? Or maybe, your inner voice told you NOT to do something, and you went ahead and did it anyway? Of course you have. What were the consequences?

Now think of a time when, intuitively, you knew you had to do something that did not make sense to you logically. You followed your heart in spite of this conflict with logic. Where did this choice lead you?

In looking back at both types of examples, is the idea that your intuition always leads you to your highest good validated?

Another way to test the wisdom of your inner voice is to start paying attention to it startingi now. It may be helpful to keep an ongoing journal of the whisperings you hear, whether or not you follow, and the consequences (good and bad) that result from the decisions you make.

Inner Voice and Your View of Life

You might be asking the question; what exactly is my inner voice? Where does it come from? Is it a part of who I am, does it come from a power higher than myself? How does my inner voice know how to guide me to my highest good? What is the source of my inner voice?

These questions raise many philosophical and spiritually based issues that I cannot address here. Finding answers to these questions is very personal. The pursuit of doing so presents a unique experience to each individual.

I encourage you to seek the answers that will help you understand these things. Ironically, it is your inner voice that will lead you on this journey. Be willing to listen and follow what that voice tells you. As you listen and follow your intuition, you will be led to what you need to know.

Conclusion

Learning to follow your intuition may be the single most valuable thing you can do in life. Your inner voice is the greatest resource you have in solving your problems. Do everything you can to honor your intuition, and it will lead you toward the solutions you seek.

Weight Loss Update #2

June 14th, 2007

It has been 24 days since I commenced working toward my goal to lose 30 lbs by the beginning of September. Today was my fourth weigh in, and I was very pleased to see weights I had lost 2.8 lbs over the past week.

Here are my stats so far:

Day 2: -.6

Day 9: -1.8

Day 16: -1.2

Day 23: -2.8

Total: -6.4

My total lost at this point is about 0.7 lb behind my September goal, but I am still happy with how things are going. I have definitely gained some momentum and it is not so hard to exercise and follow the Weight Watchers program any more. I am feeling more energetic and I can tell my clothes are fitting looser. Today, somebody told me they could tell that I lost weight because my face looks thinner. I really didn’t expect to have anyone notice anything yet. That was a nice little bonus.

Getting past the 10lb mark is going to be a big deal for me. In the past year and a half, I have lost and gained the same 5-10 lbs back and forth, over and over. Breaking 10 lbs means that I am breaking through a barrier and really getting somewhere! Hopefully I will get there within the next 2 weeks.

Thanks for checking in… I will update again on my weight goals next Thursday. In the meantime keep coming back… I have lots of thought provoking stuff to post in the next few days.

Get Moving: Breaking the Inertia Barrier

June 12th, 2007

womanrunnerThis morning when my alarm went off at 5:30, I could not drag myself out of bed. After hitting the snooze button until about 7:00, I finally started to wake up. The following conversation with my husband ensued:

Me: I don’t have time to work out this morning (I needed to get the kids to daycare and myself to work by 8:30am)

Jorge: That’s OK.

Me: Do you really think so?

Jorge: Yes.

Me: It’s OK to miss one day right? (I have been consistently exercising in the mornings for a few weeks now)

Jorge: It’s OK to miss one day. It’s OK to miss two days. It’s OK to miss three days. After that, it’s not OK anymore.

Me: Yeah, then you are back to being inert.

Jorge: Yep.

Inertia

Inertia is the tendency of a body to maintain its state of rest or uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force

The principle of inertia is described in Sir Isaac Newtons first law of motion: Every body perserveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight ahead, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by forces impressed. [Cohen and Whitman 1999 translation]

Inertia a very important concept in classical physics. I find it fascinating that very often, scientific principles apply to so many things. I know nothing about physics, but I do know that the principle of inertia is applicable to many parts of my life.

When you decide to make a change, getting started is usually the hardest part. If I go for a few days without exercising, I find it extremely hard to get going again (hence my husbands comment “after 3 days it’s not OK…, because for me, after that point it will often turn to weeks and months) . I find it very strange, because when I am in the habit of exercising, it is not hard at all to keep doing it. It feels natural and good. I feel like I am in my element. When I am engaged in healthy habits, I often look back to the way I was before (inactive, overeating, etc) and wonder why I thought it was so difficult to live the healthy way.

The answer is, it really is not hard. The difficult part is breaking the barrier of inertia. Being aware of this can help you get up the gusto to just do it… knowing that it will be hard at first, but the changes you make will require less effort once you establish some momentum.

Momentum

Momentum, in very simple terms, refers to the fact that although it requires work to start a process, once you are started, or moving, it is relatively easy to keep going.

Gaining momentum in any goal you are trying to reach requires an inital burst of energy. It requires some up front effort to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Riding a bicycle is a good example of the principle being described. Getting started takes the most effort. Once you are in motion and have established some speed, the effort of riding the bike is much less.

Willpower

A fresh look at willpower and the role it has in building momentum is given by Steve Pavlina .

Willpower provides an intensely powerful yet temporary boost. Think of it as a one-shot thruster. It burns out quickly, but if directed intelligently, it can provide the burst you need to overcome inertia and create momentum.

Willpower is a concentration of force. You gather up all your energy and make a massive thrust forward. You attack your problems strategically at their weakest points until they crack, allowing you enough room to maneuver deeper into their territory and finish them off.

The notion that willpower is something that you cannot use indefinitely (because it requires too much effort) helps in how you plan to reach a goal. You can plan to put your willpower to work for you in the beginning of your plan until you gain some momentum. You will then be able to maintain your momentum without the level of willpower needed in the beginning. Your momentum should continue on provided you don’t stop altogether. This is a very logical and reasonable way to approach a goal.

Putting It All Together

In review, inertia is the tendency of things at rest to remain at rest. Breaking through inertia initially requires a great deal of energy, or willpower. Once that barrier is broken, applying the force of willpower will create momentum that will make it easier for you to keep moving. The initial effort is worth the momentum it creates, and the motion you are in can be easily maintained.

Tips Regarding Intercultural Relationships

June 11th, 2007

This article focuses on intercultural relationships. Although my marriage is both intercultural and interracial, I have found the cultural part to have a greater effect on our relationship out of the two. Race will be addressed in a different article.

Here are some things to keep in mind about intercultural relationships*:

1. Every relationship involves two individuals that were raised in different cultures. Even if you were both raised in the same geographical area, there are still differences in how you were raised and what you feel comfortable with (if you were raised in the same home ie you are brother and sister, hmmmm, I don’t know how I can help you there).

When it comes to intercultural marriage, you may have more significant differences to deal with, but basic principles of successful marriage and dealing with differences apply across the board.

2. It is imperative that you have something(s) that you can both identify with and base your relationship on. You need to have some common ground. If there is nothing that you can identify along these lines, you may want to rethink your decision to get into, or stay in the relationship.

My husband and I have some very fundamental things we share. We have the same basic set of religious beliefs and values, which is inclusive to many facets of our life. The things we have in common transcend the differences we have.

Language is something to consider here. Although it is not necessary for either of you to speak the native tongue of the other perfectly, it is important that there is one language you can effectively communicate in. It amazes me when I see people try to have a relationship when they cannot talk to each other due to language barriers.

For the most part, the relationships mentioned above are based mostly on sexual attraction. Why else would you be with somebody you could not talk to? Relationships between cultures are especially susceptible to this. These romances can be exciting, exotic and mysterious in the beginning, all of which are very powerful aphrodisiacs! :)

Although there is no question in my mind that sex is an important part of a relationship, it should not be the only common ground you share with your partner. If your goal is to establish a long term commitment to each other, you need to have more to work with and build on.

3. Do everything you can to learn about the culture of your significant other. Go to their place of origin if you have the opportunity.

I did not realize how important this was until I went to Bolivia. Being in Jorge’s culture of origin opened my eyes in so many ways about him. I understood things that made no sense to me before. A minor example is that Jorge loves hot drinks. He also loves to crank up the heat if he gets a little bit cold. I would get so annoyed that he always wanted to have a hot drink in the morning and would turn our house into a sauna during the winter. When I went to Bolivia, it was summer, but it was freezing cold in the a.m. (I can’t even imagine what winter is like). The houses are not insulated or heated like they are here. Therefore, I myself developed an affinity for hot drinks in the morning… it was the best way to get warm! I also suddenly understood Jorge’s preoccupation with the temperature, and finding the heat switch in our house to be a luxury (FYI…I still don’t like it when he turns the thermostat up to 80… I just understand a little more why he does it).

When I was able to see and understand things like this about my husband, I felt more connected to him, and it helped our relationship tremendously. If you are not able to visit the place your partner is from, the next best thing would be to find opportunities to interact with others from their culture locally. Find a restaurant that offers food and atmosphere that are part of the culture. Be willing to participate in recreational activities with others that are like cultured, even if it feels uncomfortable to you at first. Be open minded and willing to try new things.

4. Realize that within your relationship and your own family, you will be creating your own culture. Incorporate important aspects from both. Add things that you both feel are important regardless of cultural background.

5. If possible, associate with others who are in a similar types of relationships. When my husband and I were dating, he was wise to introduce me to other couples that consisted of an American woman with a Latin man. Initially, it was good just because I was able to see that these type of relationships can work. Over the years, I have developed deep friendships with some of these women. I continue to find these connections very valuable.

6. Follow your intuition . If you decide to be in a committed intercultural or interracial relationship, realize that you will run into some resistance and negative opinions from others. When you are following your intuition, it is much easier to deflect others negativity and have confidence in the decisions you have made.

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*Just a note that I use the words “relationship” and “marriage” interchangeably. This works within my paradigm, but you can replace the word marriage with relationship where applicable if marriage is not part of the picture for you.

Quick Tips for Developing More Effective Communication Skills

June 11th, 2007
  1. Don’t take another person’s reaction or anger personally , even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner.
  2. Focus on responding instead of reacting. Reactions to situations that anger you or make you uncomfortable are usually spontaneous, and are mostly based on initial feelings. Sometimes you may react before the other person has even finished their sentence. Responding requires that you suspend judgement and become more objective before making your next move in the interaction.
  3. You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know”.
  4. Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them.
  5. Improve your listening skills. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions. Try not to concentrate on what you are going to say next or what is going on outside of your converation. Give your full attention to the person you are talking to.
  6. Remember that what someone says and what you hear can be very different! Your personal filters, assumptions, judgements, and beliefs can distort what you hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, “Have I understood you correctly?”
  7. Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in accomplishing?
  8. Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving agenda. Don’t assume that someone will know or share your agenda. Therefore talking about what is important to you in addition to finding out what is important to the other person can help build a solid foundation for your converstation.
  9. Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we act in any given circumstance.

Taking Responsibility for You

June 11th, 2007

Taking responsibility for yourself is a huge step in solving any problem you come across in life. It means that you acknowledge your contribution both to your current circumstances, and your role in your future. Many people see taking responsibility as taking blame for what has already happened.  Being responsible for your future is the other part of the equation.

I see so many people act like victims of the life they are in. “If only this, if only that, if he wouldn’t, if she would,…. ” This is a very stifling and ineffective way to approach life. If you always blame others, you are in effect giving them control over what happens to you.

Try this exercise: (It may be helpful to write it down).

Think about one thing in your life right now that has you worried. It could be anything; relationship, finances, career, children, …….  Now think about why you are in that situation.  Think of all the ways you can blame others. Think about this long and hard.   After you have established the “blaming” mindset, try to think of a way to fix the problem. You will most likely not be able to arrive at a solution, or the solutions you do come up with are unlikely to work because they involve changing another person.  And that is one thing you truly have no control over. Pretty depressing, huh?

Now think about the problem again, but this time, take a different approach.  Whether or not you are completely at fault, it is time to shift into responsibility mode. Think of all the ways you have contributed to the problem.  Think of things you have control over, and make a plan as to how you will resolve this problem with those assets.  If your issue involves other people (which most problems do),  take 100% responsibility for your part. Commit to do everything in your power and then some to remedy the situation. If you cannot resolve the situation to your liking, commit yourself to extract value and develop into a better person as a result of this problem.

How does the second approach to your problem feel different from the first?

There is empowerment and peace when you start to approach your life with an attitude of responsibility. Admitting responsibility means assuming the power you have had all along.

Create a Plan of Action

June 11th, 2007

Once you have decided on a course of action, it is time to make a specific plan based on that decision. The option you decided on in the previous step will provide the framework for your plan. This involves setting short term goals, and making a plan that takes into account your specific situation.

Because this article is so generalized, it is difficult to set out a process for planning that would be relevant to every situation. However, the following 6 ideas are important to keep in mind no matter what you are dealing with:

1. Know your weaknesses and limitations. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Be realistic.

2. Capitalize on your strengths and resources. Make an inventory of them, and find ways to use them to your advantage.

3. Anticipate obstacles. Be prepared for them so their impact on your goal is minimal. This also helps prevent discouragement because when obstacles do come up, you had already planned for them. They are just part of the process.

4. Write down your plan. There is something very powerful about getting it out of your brain and onto paper. I feel more committed and accountable when I write it down.

5. Make your plan as specific as you can. At the same time, be open minded and flexible. Be willing to change the specifics depending on how well they are (or aren’t) working for you. Many times your vision becomes clearer as you are actually working on your goals, and you will realize that your original plan can be improved.

6. Figure out how you will measure your progress. Make sure it is a part of your plan to assess how you are doing periodically.

Once you have a plan, it is time to JUST DO IT!!!!!

Weight Loss Update #1

June 10th, 2007

I realized that since I started my weight loss program, I have not updated this site on my progress, which I said I would do once a week. I will update up to this point and then do the weekly updates as I originally planned. Today is day 20… only 1 day away from being 3 weeks into my plan. I am continuing to be very motivated and encouraged with how things are going.

My first weigh in was on day 2… I had lost .6 lbs Not bad for only 2 days!

My second weigh in was on day 9… I had lost 1.8 lbs. Yippee!!

My second weigh in was on day 16… I had lost another 1.2.

That is 3.7 lbs as of day 16. My goal was to lose 2 lbs a week, and that is about 1/2 lb short of my goal. But I realize I really cannot control my rate of weight loss… I will just keep following the Weight Watcher’s Program and I know I will continue to see results!

In addition to the success I am seeing on the scale, I am also feeling much more healthy, energetic, confident, positive, optimistic… there are a whole bunch of positive side effects coming as I make efforts to be more healthy.

I have been exercising regularly, which is so good for me in so many ways. I have been lifting weights a couple times a week, running, cycle class, and using other cardio equipment at the gym. I have been doing all my exercise in the morning, which I really like to do.

I have also been writing in a weight loss journal each night, recording my food, exercise, and feelings for the day (I will post this entire journal for anyone who cares to read it, after I have reached my goal). I really feel that this part of my plan is helping me to maintain my focus. I had a couple of days where I got off track, but writing in the journal before bed helped me redirect my attention back to what I really want. This is a huge accomplishment for me… to get up and get right back on the program after messing up. In the past I have had problems with slipping up and then taking major detours… sometimes for months at a time.

Another thing I feel is helping me is this website. Not only that I have obligated myself to report to the whole world (if they care to read) about my progress, but because I love creating this site. I think its really true what they say about replacing bad habits with good ones… in my case I think I was often eating out of boredom. I am never bored anymore, because I always have something to think about or do that I really enjoy… and that is, writing about the things that matter to me most, so I can share them with you.

So there is my update, for those of you who care to know!

Thanks for stopping by!

Intro to My Marriage: Interracial, Intercultural and Blended Families

June 9th, 2007

When I met my husband 10 years ago, I was a much different person than I am today. Never in all my years of growing up, did I imagine that I would marry, or even date someone like him. I’m sure glad I learned better! :)

I am Caucasian, born and bred in the U.S. of A. My husband is Latino, born and raised in Bolivia (It’s in South America… for all of you who aren’t so good at geography. Don’t worry, I had no idea where Bolivia was 10 years ago either).

When I met Jorge, I was attending a predominaninterracial hands tly white , american university, with a very conservative population. I was dating and associating with others like myself who had grown up like me and I expected that my life would follow on that path.

I had just started volunteering at a local school (this was a requirement of my social work program). The very first day there I met Jorge. I was sitting in the lobby, and he walked toward me. I observed a short, brown, well dressed, man. He stopped to talk to me, and I immediately noticed that he had a very thick accent. I was taken by surprise when, after a little small talk, he asked me on a date. I said no. Actually I am not sure I was that direct, but somehow I did decline. Dating him was just nowhere in my plans or paradigm.

Well, for the next few times I showed up at my volunteer job, I would happen to run into Jorge (later I found out this was not purely coincidence, but carefully planned) :)

Each time I would run into him, he would ask me out again.

After a few times of this happening and me declining his invitations, I finally gave in and said I would go out with him. On the condition that we each brought some friends. He agreed, and we set a date and time.

When Jorge came to pick me up, my friends and I were ready. We went out to the car and I was surprised to see that he was not driving a low rider with the base pumped up (yeah, I had a few stereotypes to overcome). He was driving an SUV. To illustrate just how young and naive I was, when I saw the SUV, I assumed it belonged to his parents (I had never even had my own car at that point). Nope, it was his, and I was pretty impressed. Still not thinking that this would go anywhere, but impressed.

So we went to a restaurant and while we waited to be seated, we sat on a crowded bench together. While we talked, I noticed that his breath smelled really good and his teeth were really white. I liked the things he was saying too. But I kept saying in my head “its too bad I can’t date this guy” because I realized that there were a lot of things I was liking about him.

Well, the rest is really history. By the end of that date, I had thrown my caution to the wind and decided to go out with him again. Within a few weeks, I knew I really really liked Jorge. After four years of dating, we were finally married (you will be able to read more about those four years later). At the time of this writing, we have been married for a little over 6 years ( you will undoubtedly also have access to lots of stuff that involves our years of marriage so far. Lucky you! :) ).

When Jorge and I started dating seriously, I was met with some resistance. My parents were really supportive, and liked him from the beginning (I am lucky to have really awesome parents). Most others in my family were also supportive, but my grandpa was not happy about us being together at all. He told me “you need to find a white man to date”, and I told him that Jorge treated me better than any white man I knew (by the way, I have absolutely nothing against the “white man”. I was just using that as a comeback at my grandpa)*. I also had some friends that said similar things to me (usually in a more politically correct way though).

In addition to the “inter-relationship”** issues that were coming up, after a few months of dating, Jorge finally mustered the courage to tell me that he was divorced and had 3 children. Well, he is lucky he waited to tell me, because by that time I already loved him, and therefore I was willing to love whatever came with him.

Although I loved Jorge and wanted to be with him, I had to go through a lot of growing up before I was able to be confident in our relationship. Going through this process was not easy. I struggled for a long time with insecurities about what others thought and how life would be for us as an interracial and intercultural couple. I had to go through a lot of shifts in my thinking to get to the point I am at today.

As a social work student, I had many opportunities to use my school required research papers to my advantage. For most of them, I chose topics that had something or another to do with my relationship. I looked everywhere I could to find out about others experiences with “inter- marriage”**. I looked for research, help, tips advice. I was usually disappointed at the lack of useful materials out there on the subject.

One of my goals with this website is to provide some informative and practical information and insight regarding inter-marriage. I also have a thing or two to say about blended families, step parenting, etc, however those topics tend to be more widely addressed already.

I predict that interracial and intercultural relationships are going to continue to become more common as the world becomes a smaller place through technological advances. I feel it is important that insight, advice and experiences be disseminated to help those marriages be more successful. I am assuming that there is more information out there today than there was 6-10 years ago, when I was really looking for it. Even so, I think I have some valuable things to add.

So there you go…. a little bit more about me and why I am here. Keep your eyes open for some follow up articles on this topic, as they are coming soon.

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*FYI… I have no hard feelings toward my grandpa. He ended up coming around and really loving Jorge once he got to know him.

**I use this term to refer to interracial and/or intercultural. In my relationship, we have both issues, but I don’t want to write the full thing out each time I refer to it.

A Different Point of View

June 8th, 2007

P7302894I woke up this morning deeply troubled about the thoughts I posted last night. Whether it came across in what I wrote or not, I was feeling pretty discouraged about what, if any good has come from my work (remember, I am a social worker).

This morning, as I was in the middle of weight lifting class, I had an epiphany. Really not a new idea, just a reminder to me of what I am really all about.

It started with me thinking about my own life. My own problems that really, are pretty much the same things I have been struggling with since I can remember. Does the fact that I am once again in the gym, looking in the mirror at my overweight body mean that I don’t care about it? Does it mean that any previous accomplishments in that area are null and void, that I am a failure because of where I am today?

The instructor teaching my class is ironically the one that I started with 3 years ago. He doesn’t know me personally. At one point he knew my name, but I didn’t go for so long, I think he forgot. I wonder if he sees me, and feels the same way I do when I see one of my clients. One of the many who had supposedly resolved the problem that brought them to me, now returning, dealing with the same problem over again.

Does he get discouraged at my outward lack of progress? I’m pretty sure I am not the only person he sees like me, riding the weight roller coaster. Does he feel like giving up on helping people become healthy? Does he think “that girl keeps coming back fat!!! She must not care! I have not done her a bit of good!” ?

I don’t think so. I imagine that first of all, he keeps doing what he is doing because working out directly benefits him. He has his own personal rewards with his own health just from being up there exercising his own muscles.

Secondly, I hope that he would look at me, giving me the benefit of the doubt. I would like to tell him my story about how, after I lost almost 50 lbs in part because of his help before, I got pregnant and put the weight back on. I hope that he would have a positive regard toward me and think of me as a success because I am back. And even though I may appear to be in the same shoes I was 3 years ago, I am not.

Because of what I went through before , I am different. Even if people can’t see it on the outside, it doesn’t mean that I am the same. I know things and feel things and see things because of the success I had before. I am more confident that I can do it again. I want to do it again because I know how wonderful it feels to be healthy.

Life is not a destination. It is a process, and at any given moment in that process, we are all failing at one thing or another. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is the direction we travel on, and the growth we experience along the way. Even if it is slow, even if it is so small that others can’t see it, moving forward is success.

My work contributes to my own success in life because what I do directly benefits my own personal growth. I learn from and am challenged all the time by the problems I try to help people solve. Meeting challenges equals growth for me. Whether or not they make the effort to fix their own life, just the fact that I am helping them benefits me. It gives me more awareness, insight, and refines me into a better person.

Secondly, if the people I work with are changed inside at all throughout our interactions then something worthwhile has happened. Even if a seed is planted inside of them of hope for a better life, that is success. Who knows when the seed will take root and actually start to grow.

Therefore, here I am, once again an optimist…