Archive for the ‘Step by Step’ Category

Create a Plan of Action

Monday, June 11th, 2007

Once you have decided on a course of action, it is time to make a specific plan based on that decision. The option you decided on in the previous step will provide the framework for your plan. This involves setting short term goals, and making a plan that takes into account your specific situation.

Because this article is so generalized, it is difficult to set out a process for planning that would be relevant to every situation. However, the following 6 ideas are important to keep in mind no matter what you are dealing with:

1. Know your weaknesses and limitations. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Be realistic.

2. Capitalize on your strengths and resources. Make an inventory of them, and find ways to use them to your advantage.

3. Anticipate obstacles. Be prepared for them so their impact on your goal is minimal. This also helps prevent discouragement because when obstacles do come up, you had already planned for them. They are just part of the process.

4. Write down your plan. There is something very powerful about getting it out of your brain and onto paper. I feel more committed and accountable when I write it down.

5. Make your plan as specific as you can. At the same time, be open minded and flexible. Be willing to change the specifics depending on how well they are (or aren’t) working for you. Many times your vision becomes clearer as you are actually working on your goals, and you will realize that your original plan can be improved.

6. Figure out how you will measure your progress. Make sure it is a part of your plan to assess how you are doing periodically.

Once you have a plan, it is time to JUST DO IT!!!!!

Explore the Options

Friday, June 1st, 2007

Once you have identified your problem, you are ready to begin the process of finding a solution. This process basically involves explorinsign with arrowsg possible solutions and deciding which option you will implement.

This process can be simple, especially if you are already familiar with the particular problem you are trying to solve. For example, I have struggled with weight issues since I was young. I have already done a lot of the process of sorting through the different approaches to weight loss, and I know which one has worked for me in the past. Therefore, when I find myself in a situation where I need to lose weight, I don’t have to go back and find what works all over again.

If you are unfamiliar with your problem, or if you have never experienced a satisfactory solution to an ongoing dilemma, the process of identifying the solution will probably take more time. You may find yourself overwhelmed with all the information, and all the people who are trying to sell you on different solutions.

I will outline some principles that I find to be very helpful in the process we are discussing. These principles can be applied in a variety of different problem solving situations.

1. Do your research. Take advantage of all the information that is available. Make sure your information comes from valid sources (for example, if you read an article in a magazine that says “Advertisement”, realize that the source of the article is trying to sell you their product. Therefore the article may not be very objective).

2. Seek information from others who have experienced the same problem you have, and who you feel have successfully resolved or managed their issue. I have found this way of exploring options to be very useful.

3. Consider the resources you are able to put into solving this problem. Be realistic. How much money, time and effort can you afford to put toward solving this problem? What are the differences in cost between solutions?

4. When considering options, it is important that the method you choose is congruent with your personal values.

5. Don’t overanalyze and get stuck in this step. It is better to choose an option, try it and fail then it is to become paralyzed at this stage because you aren’t sure what to do. Failure is a great tool that can help you refine your search for a solution that works. In Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development for Smart People he talks about how it is better to take the “Ready, fire, aim” approach rather than the “Ready aim aim aim aim” approach. Meaning that firing at the wrong target can give you valuable feedback so you can aim more accurately the next time. But if you just keep aiming without firing, you will definately not hit your target.

6. Have an open mind. Some of the best solutions ever have been found when people were creative and were able to think outside the box.

7. Listen to your intuition . Learn to connect with your inner voice and learn to trust yourself. Remember that you are the expert when it comes to you. Have confidence in your ability to choose the way that will work for you. Read this excellent article that delves more deeply into the role of intuition in decision making.

Take the time and effort to make the best decision you can. But as I mentioned in step #5, don’t get stuck here because you can’t decide how you want to resolve your problem. Make the best decision you can with the information you have.

Once you have decided on a course of action, it is time to make a specific plan. That process will be addressed in the next section of this series.

The Value of Adversity: A Path to Personal Growth

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

I like problems. You should too. Before you decide that I am crazy, and navigate away from this page, please hear me out. By the end of this article, you may agree with me.

Don’t get me wrong. I never start a day in search of problems. In fact, along with most of the world, I spend a good amount of time trying to avoid them (whether directly or indirectly). When a problem does come along, it almost always gets an initial negative response from me. It is usually not until I reach the “end” of a problem, or even when a good amount of time has passed since the issue was resolved, that I can truly appreciate the great opportunity that was disguised as something not so great.

Everybody experiences problems, discomfort, adversity, or whatever you want to call it (I will use these words interchangeably throughout this article). It is an inescapable part of the human condition. Almost immediately after you were born, you began to experience discomfort. Cold, hunger, tiredness, loneliness. As a baby, you didn’t have much of a choice in how you were going to handle your problems. Either your needs were met and you learned to trust the world around you, or they were not, and you learned to distrust.

As you grew, your discomforts and problems became more complex. I won’t attempt to list the potential problems you have had because the list is endless, and your experience is unique. Chances are, you are in the middle of some type of problem right now. It may be minor or it may be huge. I don’t think anybody will argue the fact that we all have discomfort and problems in life. Let’s move on to where the value lies in those problems.

Think of the finest person you know. A real quality individual. What is it that made you think of this person? I highly doubt it is someone who has sailed through life without a care or worry (as if those people even exist). If you really analyze that person and what it is you value in them, it is most likely a quality that was developed through one or many problems that they used as stepping stones in their lives. If you don’t know this person well, you may not know what that situation was that refined them into who they are today. But I can 100% guarantee that if you could read the book of their life, you would see that they had waded through some significant difficulty to become who they are today.

Do problems always have the positive effect I am talking about? No. Do problems always present an opportunity for growth? Absolutely, yes.

The difference lies in the individual who has the problem, and how they choose to handle it. There are a few basic approaches people take when they come against an obstacle in life.

1. Denial: This person spends a lot of time and energy trying to deny that a problem exists. However, problems rarely disappear into thin air just because we tell ourselves they aren’t there.

2. Avoidance: The person who avoids may acknowledge there is a problem, but for a variety of reasons, chooses not to act toward resolution of the problem. A common reason for this approach is fear, a belief that there is no resolution, or doubt that they are capable of doing what it takes to solve the problem.

Drug abuse is a very good example of avoidant behavior. Most of the people I have met who have issues with substance abuse are self-medicating. They are numbing themselves because for whatever reason, they don’t want to deal with some situation in their life. Unfortunately, this method of avoidance only creates more serious problems for the abuser.

People who avoid finding solutions to big problems often develop very negative feelings. These people will often spend incredible amounts of time and energy (including the energy of others) complaining and whining. They find ways to blame others for their problems, whether they say it out loud or not. They often view the world in a very pessimistic way, and become resentful and bitter toward their problem, and often toward others. *

3. The third way to deal with a problem is to acknowledge/identify the problem, take responsibility, identify a solution, and implement the solution. This approach is a process that results in growth and personal development.

In many situations, the problem you identify may be one that is impossible for you to solve. For example, somebody who has terminal cancer does not have control over their illness. They can seek appropriate medical treatment and try everything they can to fight the disease. Ultimately, the end result is really not something they can control. In situations like these, the solution is not about changing the unchangeable. The solution is in how we choose to view and deal with the situation. It is in finding how to extract value from the problem.

The frequently cited quote of Viktor Frankl , a Holocaust survivor, illustrates this point perfectly. “Everything can be taken from a man but… the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (p.104, Man’s Search for Meaning).

This reminds me of a movie I recently saw. In this movie, there are two young boys who grow up in an orphanage. They both suffer a great deal from the pain of having no parents. Time passes and we learn that one of the boys passed through his childhood to become a happy and productive adult, who contributes significantly to the world. The other boy grows up to be his adult nemesis, always trying to ruin the man who is so successful. The difference between the two was how they chose to deal with the same situation. One took the road to success, while the other took the road to bitterness, jealousy,and unhappiness.

As I look back on my life up to this point, one thing is very clear to me. My most difficult times have been the most valuable to me. I have learned the most profound, soul changing truths when I have been in the not so pleasant trenches of humility and pain. I have developed a deep compassion for others who suffer. I have come to appreciate more deeply the good times,and the sweet things in life. Experiencing confusion has helped me understand the value of peace and clarity.

My goal with this article is not to pump you up so that you will go out looking for problems. It is to help you realize that with problems comes tremendous opportunity. If you identify yourself as being in denial or avoidance, you can consciously move toward more productive ways of dealing with your issue. If you can see a problem for what it really is, the process is so much more worthwhile. If you are in the middle of a crisis, take a moment to step outside of the situation. Think to yourself “what opportunity is this problem presenting to me? What rewards could wait at the end of this difficulty?” The answers may surprise you, and bring you some peace and hope even in the midst of a storm.

* Note: There is a time and a place for anger, sadness, denial, etc. These are all healthy and natural parts of the grieving process. The difference between healthy grieving and the issues that arise with avoidance is that with grieving, you should reach a point of acceptance and healing. The person who avoids is never able to reach this point because the issue is never addressed.

A Guide to Problem Identification

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

onion 2The first step toward finding a solution is identifying the problem. This may sound simple, and sometimes it is. However with those things that have the most negative impact in your life, it is usually complex to uncover the core issue. Many times, the thing you may identify as the problem is really just a symptom of an even deeper, more fundamental problem.
For example, an overweight person may find their issue to consist of the following dimensions: The top layer would be the obvious facts; the individual takes in more calories and/or exercises less than is optimal for their body to maintain a healthy weight. Someone who does not have a weight problem may look at an overweight person and wonder why they don’t take the obvious steps to lose weight. I doubt there are many overweight adults who don’t know that they should eat less and exercise more. The observer may consider that the individual is just lazy or lacks motivation. Often, lack of willpower and low motivation are factors, but they are just another layer in the onion. Below the surface, weight issues are rarely a simple matter of lack of knowledge, willpower, or motivation.

So lets move deeper into the weight problem. Here is where your problem becomes more unique and less obvious. Just one example of an underlying issue could be the fear of attracting attention from the opposite sex. Underlying this issue could be that the person was raped or violated in some other way. It is like peeling layers off an onion, and in many cases there are many many layers. See how finding the real problem can actually be quite complicated?

I am going to stop here to say that I am not a proponent of waiting until you have gotten to the very bottom of a problem to start working toward resolving it. Why? Very often, getting to the bottom of the proverbial onion is something that is just far too painful for you to handle. Sometimes it is not even possible. At least right now.

My suggestion is that you peel that onion as far as you can handle and at the same time be functional. If you find yourself curled up in bed, unable to go to work because you realized that the real reason you cannot trust your spouse is because your father abandoned you, don’t go there yet. It’s OK to know that there is still more to uncover as you start working on the issue. Allow yourself to grow and develop and as you go through the process, you will become more able to identify and accept what lies beneath the surface. This is not the same as being in denial about the real issue. It is simply acknowledging that you are not able or ready to really get into it.

When you find a solution to a problem that is just a symptom of a bigger problem, you are really just learning to cope with the symptom. This is perfectly fine, and better than continuing in a negative behavior just because you haven’t faced the issue beneath it all yet, for whatever reason.

For example, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). There are debates about the real cause of this, along with most mental health disorders. Is it biological, environmental, unresolved issues from childhood? Nobody knows for sure, which prevents me from solving the real problem. However, I have found ways to cope with the symptoms. The solutions I have found are acceptable to me for now. I am able to function and live life pretty much the same as others around me. If I were to be obsessed with finding the real reason for my disorder, I would become highly frustrated because it would be hard to come up with a definitive answer.

So keep in mind that often, your problem solving will be focused on finding strategies to manage the symptoms. If you are clinically depressed but have not figured out WHY, it’s OK. One coping strategy might be taking an anti-depressant. The real underlying issue has not been solved, but a painful symptom may be alleviated. This allows you to function and be more effective in your search for other long term solutions.

I suggest sitting down in a quiet place, with a pencil and paper. Give yourself enough time to really reflect on the issue you are trying to address. Brainstorm on paper if this helps. If it helps to talk it out with someone, do that. The point is, open yourself up and consider what the problem really is. Dig down as deep as you can or want to. Like I said above, if you start feeling your world crashing down because you dug too far, stop for now. Put that part on a shelf and give yourself permission to deal with it later. If your problem really has no known cause, stop at the symptoms that lie right above what could be the cause.

It really is not necessary that you ever get to the root of some problems. Sometimes, though, there will be a trade off you must be willing to accept. My grandfather was a World War II veteran. From the little he talked about his experiences, I gather that he saw many things in the war that traumatized him. He suffered from insomnia for years, and he hinted to me that he had nightmares frequently about his experiences in the war. He was never willing to talk openly about what he experienced with me or anybody else, to my knowledge. I think my grandpa dealt with his trauma the way he was taught, and the way he saw best. I also believe that the things he experienced festered inside of him for the rest of his adult life. Had he processed this information in a therapeutic way, he may have not had so many sleep issues for the next 70 years of his life.

And then there are the problems that really don’t have a deep dark issue attached to them. If you really cannot peel the layers off a problem, it is likely that what you see is what you get. For example, sometimes I have the problem of not knowing what to fix for dinner. All it takes is a little planning and my problem is solved. Don’t take this article about problem solving to an extreme where you are making problems bigger than they really are.

In social work, a process we frequently refer to is “assessment”. One dictionary definition of this word is: “To determine the value, significance, or extent of.” In problem identification, it is necessary to always be assessing the extent and significance of the problems. Assessment needs to be a part of your problem solving strategy. This process is not linear, and neither is identifying your problem. This means it is not something that you do only in the beginning of the process. Assessment is something that is ongoing. If you keep this in mind, even if you start at a level that is not as deep as the real problem, eventually, through ongoing assessing, you will eventually get to the core if that is your goal.

Another important suggestion is that if the issue is a very painful one for you to deal with, you should seriously consider becoming involved with a therapist to help you through this process. If you decide to take this path, see “Choosing a Therapist”.