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Today I went for a run along a river trail near my home. The trees, the running water, the chirping birds… I was enjoying the beauty of nature immensely, along with the satisfaction that comes from hearing myself breathe deeply and feeling my muscles work.

As I went along, I suddenly came along a pile of crap. Literally. Horse crap, I believe. Stinky, smelly, swarming. I tried to ignore it, but couldn’t entirely forget its existence, as I ran around it.

I got back into my rhythm of running, and enjoying my exercise. I was thinking about my plans for the day, making mental lists of things I wanted to get done. I was lost in thought. I went around a corner, and boom, there it was again! And again, again!

OK, so the horse poop I ran across today did not ruin my day, my morning, or even my run. It was a little gross (OK, a lot), but it did get me thinking (as so many things do)

The trail I run on is one that I have been on quite a bit. I know that horses also frequent the trail. Rarely do I run into big piles of poop. Hmmm, I wonder why? I assume that all the horses poop as they go along the trail.

The conclusion I must draw is that most horse owners clean up poop as they go. Today or yesterday, somebody did not take responsibility to clean up after themselves.

One of the huge aspects of taking responsibility is that you clean up the messes you make. You don’t leave them for others to deal with.

This reminds me of something else that happened a few days ago. I was sitting at a stoplight, and all of a sudden my car jolted forward. I had been rear-ended! The light quickly turned green, so I turned left. There was a lot of traffic and it was quite difficult to pull over to the right and get off the road to examine my vehicle. I was also trying to keep my eye on the offending car. I could see it would be easy for them to get lost in the traffic and avoid talking to me.

Happily, the other driver did not try to disappear. She went through the traffic maze to get over to where I had pulled over. She apologized profusely and examined my car with me. I determined that she had only hit my bumper, and my car had not been damaged. She again apologized. She took responsibility for what had happened, and I appreciated that.

So which type of person are you? Do you make messes and then just hope that someone else will fix them for you? Or do you have the integrity to take on the sometimes unpleasant task required to fix the problem?

Today you will undoubtedly create some type of mess. Be responsible… clean it up!

There is something inside each of us that knows how to solve our problems. That something is called by many different names, depending on who you are talking to. Spirit, heart, soul, intuition, inspiration, conscience, higher self, God, …. the list of how people refer to this phenomenon is as long as the list of religions and philosophies out there. I will refer to this “something” as your inner voice or intuition (for the sake of simplicity).

Your Inner Voice

No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are doing in life, you have some familiarity with your inner voice, even if you have not yet realized it. It is that small whispering that comes from deep within you. It is the voice that tells you something is wrong, even if you have rationalized to yourself that it isn’t. It is the part of you that does not always appeal to your logic, but is always providing information that is for your highest good. Sometimes the task required of you by your inner voice is difficult, but you are never forced to follow.

Recognition of the Inner Voice

The way you experience hearing your inner voice may be different from others. Therefore, there is no way that I can tell you exactly what your inner voice sounds or feels like.

There are some things that I have learned on my own, and also from others who have shared their experiences with me. The following things seem to be true about the way intuition comes to most people:

• There is no confusion coming from your inner voice. Although the things it tells you may disagree with your logic (and that of the world), you will feel a sense of peace, calm and certainty about what you are thinking and/or feeling. If you can set the other parts of your consciousness aside, and focus only on the inner voice, you will clearly know what do to.
• Intuition is often an emotional process rather than a logical one. However, this is not to say that intuition never works with logic. Your intuition often guides you toward completely logical solutions! Generally, the reason your inner voice conflicts with your logic is only because your cognitive process is flawed, or you do not yet have enough information to understand the full picture. After you follow the whisperings of your inner voice, you can usually look back and see the logic in that guidance.
• Many people describe the feelings related to their inner voice as warm, peaceful, light, hopeful, conviction, happy, love… Intimidation, fear and shame do not originate from your inner voice.
• If you are unsure about what your inner voice is saying, try to look at your thoughts and feelings over a period of time. Your inner voice will not change its message just because a few days or weeks pass. If the same answers keep coming to you over and over, it is very possible that it your inner voice trying to tell you something.
• As mentioned earlier, the more heed you give to the prompts of your inner voice, the more easily you are able to hear and recognize the voice the next time you need to hear it.

Strengthening Your Inner Voice

Following the prompts of your inner voice has a way of increasing your ability to hear it.

It is as if, with your choice to follow that voice, you are giving an invitation for it to come back and lead you again. Conversely, when you ignore what your inner voice tells you over and over again, you become more tuned out from the whisperings, and you may stop hearing it all together.

The more you obey your inner voice, the more you learn to trust it. This happens as you see that your inner voice really is wise and always pointing you toward your greatest good. It is easier to follow as your trust increases, and trust is built as the wisdom of that voice is validated by the outcomes of your decision to follow.

Following Your Inner Voice vs. Ignoring It

Each time your inner voice communicates something, you have the choice to follow the guidance it provides, or not. As mentioned before, you are never forced or coerced to follow your intuition. And as stated earlier, sometimes your inner voice directs you to do things are not easy.

So why follow your inner voice?

Because it always leads you toward your highest good.

If you want to test this statement to see if it holds true for you, there are a couple of ways to do it.

First, examine your past.

Have you had your intuition tell you to do something, and you chose not to? Or maybe, your inner voice told you NOT to do something, and you went ahead and did it anyway? Of course you have. What were the consequences?

Now think of a time when, intuitively, you knew you had to do something that did not make sense to you logically. You followed your heart in spite of this conflict with logic. Where did this choice lead you?

In looking back at both types of examples, is the idea that your intuition always leads you to your highest good validated?

Another way to test the wisdom of your inner voice is to start paying attention to it startingi now. It may be helpful to keep an ongoing journal of the whisperings you hear, whether or not you follow, and the consequences (good and bad) that result from the decisions you make.

Inner Voice and Your View of Life

You might be asking the question; what exactly is my inner voice? Where does it come from? Is it a part of who I am, does it come from a power higher than myself? How does my inner voice know how to guide me to my highest good? What is the source of my inner voice?

These questions raise many philosophical and spiritually based issues that I cannot address here. Finding answers to these questions is very personal. The pursuit of doing so presents a unique experience to each individual.

I encourage you to seek the answers that will help you understand these things. Ironically, it is your inner voice that will lead you on this journey. Be willing to listen and follow what that voice tells you. As you listen and follow your intuition, you will be led to what you need to know.

Conclusion

Learning to follow your intuition may be the single most valuable thing you can do in life. Your inner voice is the greatest resource you have in solving your problems. Do everything you can to honor your intuition, and it will lead you toward the solutions you seek.

This morning when my alarm went off at 5:30, I could not drag myself out of bed. After hitting the snooze button until about 7:00, I finally started to wake up. The following conversation with my husband ensued:

Me: I don’t have time to work out this morning (I needed to get the kids to daycare and myself to work by 8:30am)

Jorge: That’s OK.

Me: Do you really think so?

Jorge: Yes.

Me: It’s OK to miss one day right? (I have been consistently exercising in the mornings for a few weeks now)

Jorge: It’s OK to miss one day. It’s OK to miss two days. It’s OK to miss three days. After that, it’s not OK anymore.

Me: Yeah, then you are back to being inert.

Jorge: Yep.

Inertia

Inertia is the tendency of a body to maintain its state of rest or uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force

The principle of inertia is described in Sir Isaac Newtons first law of motion: Every body perserveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight ahead, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by forces impressed. [Cohen and Whitman 1999 translation]

Inertia a very important concept in classical physics. I find it fascinating that very often, scientific principles apply to so many things. I know nothing about physics, but I do know that the principle of inertia is applicable to many parts of my life.

When you decide to make a change, getting started is usually the hardest part. If I go for a few days without exercising, I find it extremely hard to get going again (hence my husbands comment “after 3 days it’s not OK…, because for me, after that point it will often turn to weeks and months) . I find it very strange, because when I am in the habit of exercising, it is not hard at all to keep doing it. It feels natural and good. I feel like I am in my element. When I am engaged in healthy habits, I often look back to the way I was before (inactive, overeating, etc) and wonder why I thought it was so difficult to live the healthy way.

The answer is, it really is not hard. The difficult part is breaking the barrier of inertia. Being aware of this can help you get up the gusto to just do it… knowing that it will be hard at first, but the changes you make will require less effort once you establish some momentum.

Momentum

Momentum, in very simple terms, refers to the fact that although it requires work to start a process, once you are started, or moving, it is relatively easy to keep going.

Gaining momentum in any goal you are trying to reach requires an inital burst of energy. It requires some up front effort to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Riding a bicycle is a good example of the principle being described. Getting started takes the most effort. Once you are in motion and have established some speed, the effort of riding the bike is much less.

Willpower

A fresh look at willpower and the role it has in building momentum is given by Steve Pavlina .

Willpower provides an intensely powerful yet temporary boost. Think of it as a one-shot thruster. It burns out quickly, but if directed intelligently, it can provide the burst you need to overcome inertia and create momentum.

Willpower is a concentration of force. You gather up all your energy and make a massive thrust forward. You attack your problems strategically at their weakest points until they crack, allowing you enough room to maneuver deeper into their territory and finish them off.

The notion that willpower is something that you cannot use indefinitely (because it requires too much effort) helps in how you plan to reach a goal. You can plan to put your willpower to work for you in the beginning of your plan until you gain some momentum. You will then be able to maintain your momentum without the level of willpower needed in the beginning. Your momentum should continue on provided you don’t stop altogether. This is a very logical and reasonable way to approach a goal.

Putting It All Together

In review, inertia is the tendency of things at rest to remain at rest. Breaking through inertia initially requires a great deal of energy, or willpower. Once that barrier is broken, applying the force of willpower will create momentum that will make it easier for you to keep moving. The initial effort is worth the momentum it creates, and the motion you are in can be easily maintained.

1. Don’t take another person’s reaction or anger personally , even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner.
2. Focus on responding instead of reacting. Reactions to situations that anger you or make you uncomfortable are usually spontaneous, and are mostly based on initial feelings. Sometimes you may react before the other person has even finished their sentence. Responding requires that you suspend judgement and become more objective before making your next move in the interaction.
3. You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know”.
4. Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them.
5. Improve your listening skills. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions. Try not to concentrate on what you are going to say next or what is going on outside of your converation. Give your full attention to the person you are talking to.
6. Remember that what someone says and what you hear can be very different! Your personal filters, assumptions, judgements, and beliefs can distort what you hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, “Have I understood you correctly?”
7. Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in accomplishing?
8. Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving agenda. Don’t assume that someone will know or share your agenda. Therefore talking about what is important to you in addition to finding out what is important to the other person can help build a solid foundation for your converstation.
9. Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we act in any given circumstance.

Taking responsibility for yourself is a huge step in solving any problem you come across in life. It means that you acknowledge your contribution both to your current circumstances, and your role in your future. Many people see taking responsibility as taking blame for what has already happened.  Being responsible for your future is the other part of the equation.

I see so many people act like victims of the life they are in. “If only this, if only that, if he wouldn’t, if she would,…. ” This is a very stifling and ineffective way to approach life. If you always blame others, you are in effect giving them control over what happens to you.

Try this exercise: (It may be helpful to write it down).

Think about one thing in your life right now that has you worried. It could be anything; relationship, finances, career, children, …….  Now think about why you are in that situation.  Think of all the ways you can blame others. Think about this long and hard.   After you have established the “blaming” mindset, try to think of a way to fix the problem. You will most likely not be able to arrive at a solution, or the solutions you do come up with are unlikely to work because they involve changing another person.  And that is one thing you truly have no control over. Pretty depressing, huh?

Now think about the problem again, but this time, take a different approach.  Whether or not you are completely at fault, it is time to shift into responsibility mode. Think of all the ways you have contributed to the problem.  Think of things you have control over, and make a plan as to how you will resolve this problem with those assets.  If your issue involves other people (which most problems do),  take 100% responsibility for your part. Commit to do everything in your power and then some to remedy the situation. If you cannot resolve the situation to your liking, commit yourself to extract value and develop into a better person as a result of this problem.

How does the second approach to your problem feel different from the first?

There is empowerment and peace when you start to approach your life with an attitude of responsibility. Admitting responsibility means assuming the power you have had all along.

I woke up this morning deeply troubled about the thoughts I posted last night. Whether it came across in what I wrote or not, I was feeling pretty discouraged about what, if any good has come from my work (remember, I am a social worker).

This morning, as I was in the middle of weight lifting class, I had an epiphany. Really not a new idea, just a reminder to me of what I am really all about.

It started with me thinking about my own life. My own problems that really, are pretty much the same things I have been struggling with since I can remember. Does the fact that I am once again in the gym, looking in the mirror at my overweight body mean that I don’t care about it? Does it mean that any previous accomplishments in that area are null and void, that I am a failure because of where I am today?

The instructor teaching my class is ironically the one that I started with 3 years ago. He doesn’t know me personally. At one point he knew my name, but I didn’t go for so long, I think he forgot. I wonder if he sees me, and feels the same way I do when I see one of my clients. One of the many who had supposedly resolved the problem that brought them to me, now returning, dealing with the same problem over again.

Does he get discouraged at my outward lack of progress? I’m pretty sure I am not the only person he sees like me, riding the weight roller coaster. Does he feel like giving up on helping people become healthy? Does he think “that girl keeps coming back fat!!! She must not care! I have not done her a bit of good!” ?

I don’t think so. I imagine that first of all, he keeps doing what he is doing because working out directly benefits him. He has his own personal rewards with his own health just from being up there exercising his own muscles.

Secondly, I hope that he would look at me, giving me the benefit of the doubt. I would like to tell him my story about how, after I lost almost 50 lbs in part because of his help before, I got pregnant and put the weight back on. I hope that he would have a positive regard toward me and think of me as a success because I am back. And even though I may appear to be in the same shoes I was 3 years ago, I am not.

Because of what I went through before , I am different. Even if people can’t see it on the outside, it doesn’t mean that I am the same. I know things and feel things and see things because of the success I had before. I am more confident that I can do it again. I want to do it again because I know how wonderful it feels to be healthy.

Life is not a destination. It is a process, and at any given moment in that process, we are all failing at one thing or another. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is the direction we travel on, and the growth we experience along the way. Even if it is slow, even if it is so small that others can’t see it, moving forward is success.

My work contributes to my own success in life because what I do directly benefits my own personal growth. I learn from and am challenged all the time by the problems I try to help people solve. Meeting challenges equals growth for me. Whether or not they make the effort to fix their own life, just the fact that I am helping them benefits me. It gives me more awareness, insight, and refines me into a better person.

Secondly, if the people I work with are changed inside at all throughout our interactions then something worthwhile has happened. Even if a seed is planted inside of them of hope for a better life, that is success. Who knows when the seed will take root and actually start to grow.

Therefore, here I am, once again an optimist…

One thing I am coming to accept is that although there are solutions to all problems, some people just don’t care. Most people will say they want to have a better life, but only a handful are actually willing to do what it takes to get there. Which type of person are you?

I am a social worker and I don’t doubt at all that I was made to work in this capacity. The goals and philosophies of my work resonate deeply in my soul. Engaging with people comes very naturally to me. I have won some awards and been recognized in other ways that have given me validation that others can see the contribution I make. The highest compliments have come directly from my clients.

At times, though, I get pretty frustrated. No matter what I do, so many of the people I try to help fail miserably. Too often the changes they make are just temporary, and as soon as they are off the hook of being monitored and scrutinized, they are right back to square one. Whether it is drugs, bad relationships, mental health issues, financial crisis, anger….

Why? Why are these people so stuck?

My first reaction is to blame myself. There must be something more I could have done to ensure their success. And maybe there is. I know I screw up. Sometimes things slip through the cracks. I am terrible at keeping track of all the paperwork that is required by the government. I constantly struggle to balance the endless needs of the people I work for vs my own wants and needs.

But thinking that my role is so critical to the success or failure of others is really egocentric on my part. In reality, I don’t have much to do with their successes or failures at all. Just as I am completely responsible to make my life what it is, so are they. I may be able to provide instruments that help them reach up to a better life, but an instrument doesn’t work unless you pick it up and actually use it.

Actually, I think many people are comfortable with their dysfunction. It is a culture they live in and migrate back to without someone prodding them in the other direction. Migrating to a comfort zone is not a phenomenon that is isolated to the part of society that receives social services. It is the natural tendency of everyone. I know that I tend to migrate toward my comfort zones. Luckily, I was raised in a functional family with functional role models, so I tend to migrate toward a more functional way of life. But what about those who have never had a functional comfort zone?

Am I overgeneralizing? Of course. There are always exceptions. I have seen some of my clients make real changes in their lives, and stick to them. But these experiences seem to be few and far between.

Honestly, I am burned out from working with people who have such a high rate of failure. It is actually quite uncommon for someone to work on the frontlines of social work for as long as I have (8 years). Most people move up into administrative positions, where they are no longer directly exposed to these issues I speak of, or they go back to school to become therapists. Some change their career path completely. Maybe I should consider one of these options.

I want to contribute in ways that brought me to social work in the first place… like I said, the goals and philosophies of my work resonate deeply in me. Maybe I just need to shift my paradigm toward what I do, and measure my success differently. I am not sure.

While this post may not sound very “solution focused”, really, I am writing it mostly to help me find a solution.

If I cannot change others, I can change myself. If my talents are not being utilized by the people around me, there must be ways that I can put myself in a position to contribute in a more impactful way? How can I find more satisfaction with the results of my work? I want to give people hope and real help to reach higher. I want to reach people who want to change, who are motivated to do whatever it takes.

Generally, when people try to solve a problem, they turn to solutions that are most familiar and socially acceptable. This is OK, if the solutions work. However, I have seen great things happen when a more obscure, socially questionable approach is taken.

I have a co-worker who is a single man in his 40’s. He decided a few months ago that he was not reaching his financial goals. After brainstorming through his options, he made a very drastic move. He gave his dog away, put most of his things in storage, sold his motorcycle and bought an SUV. He moved out of the house he was renting, and became homeless by choice. He is now directing all of his income toward his savings/investments. The only money he uses for everyday expenses (like food) is money that he gets by selling things on e-bay. He has a gym membership, so he goes there to shower. He sleeps in his car. He spends the rest of his time between his office and school.

Most people who I share this true story with shake their heads and say that this guy must be crazy. Maybe he is a little crazy. But I have to give him kudos for thinking outside the box, and having the guts to make such a drastic life change.

From what I have seen, my friend seems to be thriving in his new lifestyle. He was very unhappy and depressed before. Now he exudes hope and confidence. He is excited that he is actually making significant progress on his goals. He has told me that in addition to progressing toward his financial goals quickly, he is happy with many of the side effects of being homeless.

One of the unexpected perks is that he no longer vegetates in front of the TV at night, wasting hours doing nothing. If he wants to watch TV, he goes to the gym and walks on the treadmill during the show he wants to see. Recently, he was watching an NBA playoff game that was several hours long, and he walked during the entire game. He is losing weight and feeling healthy. He also recently got up the courage to contact an old schoolmate that he has always had a crush on. He has had so much positive energy since he became homeless.

This guy is not planning to maintain his homeless lifestyle forever, just until he reaches certain goals. He projects that he will reach those goals in a few months, at the rate he is going.

Now, I know this is an extreme example that most people, myself included, could not pull off. My co-worker is free of many of the obligations that require one to have a home, such as children.

The reason I share this story is to illustrate the principle of thinking creatively when it comes to finding solutions to your problems. Don’t do yourself an injustice by ignoring options just because others didn’t have the same idea, or because they won’t understand your method.

About seven years ago I was struggling, once again, with being overweight. I had tried lots of weight loss methods, and was feeling down because of my failures. At that time, I decided that I did not want to diet anymore. I was tired of the constant battle with food. I decided that to get to a healthy weight and stay there, I would have to become a really good exerciser. I took it a step further. I had seen my mom run a marathon, and had been inspired as I watched her, and the other runners cross the finish line. It was a very moving experience for me, and I had a deep desire to be one of those people.

It was March or April when I made the decision. The marathon I decided to run was in October of that year. I was 40 lbs overweight and could barely run for a couple minutes straight, let alone 26.2 miles. When I told people about my intentions, I could see the disbelief in many of their eyes.

I started training by running around a track… running one lap, walking a lap, running a lap, walking a lap. At times I felt foolish for aiming so high. I could imagine what reaction I would get if I were to tell the athletes that were running ahead of me about my aspirations. But most of the time, I was so determined that I was going to reach my goal that I just kept looking forward to the future and doing whatever it took to reach the goal.

Although I will not write about my entire marathon experience here (it is definitely enough for its own post), I will conclude by saying that I did run the marathon, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned things about myself and gained confidence that is very much a part of who I am today. I did have the side effect of losing weight as I trained (which was originally my primary goal), but this was only a small part of the positive rewards I had for my efforts.

Had I let social norms and the expectations of others dictate my approach to weight loss, I never would have had the marathon experience.

My point in saying all this is to encourage you to look inside yourself for answers that may be less than obvious. When you come up with an idea that seems wild or too out there, don’t discount it right away. Really think about it and consider if it is actually feasible. If it is not, think about it in variations that might work.

If you feel very passionate about an idea that seems crazy to everybody else, maybe you are actually onto something.

I like problems. You should too. Before you decide that I am crazy, and navigate away from this page, please hear me out. By the end of this article, you may agree with me.

Don’t get me wrong. I never start a day in search of problems. In fact, along with most of the world, I spend a good amount of time trying to avoid them (whether directly or indirectly). When a problem does come along, it almost always gets an initial negative response from me. It is usually not until I reach the “end” of a problem, or even when a good amount of time has passed since the issue was resolved, that I can truly appreciate the great opportunity that was disguised as something not so great.

Everybody experiences problems, discomfort, adversity, or whatever you want to call it (I will use these words interchangeably throughout this article). It is an inescapable part of the human condition. Almost immediately after you were born, you began to experience discomfort. Cold, hunger, tiredness, loneliness. As a baby, you didn’t have much of a choice in how you were going to handle your problems. Either your needs were met and you learned to trust the world around you, or they were not, and you learned to distrust.

As you grew, your discomforts and problems became more complex. I won’t attempt to list the potential problems you have had because the list is endless, and your experience is unique. Chances are, you are in the middle of some type of problem right now. It may be minor or it may be huge. I don’t think anybody will argue the fact that we all have discomfort and problems in life. Let’s move on to where the value lies in those problems.

Think of the finest person you know. A real quality individual. What is it that made you think of this person? I highly doubt it is someone who has sailed through life without a care or worry (as if those people even exist). If you really analyze that person and what it is you value in them, it is most likely a quality that was developed through one or many problems that they used as stepping stones in their lives. If you don’t know this person well, you may not know what that situation was that refined them into who they are today. But I can 100% guarantee that if you could read the book of their life, you would see that they had waded through some significant difficulty to become who they are today.

Do problems always have the positive effect I am talking about? No. Do problems always present an opportunity for growth? Absolutely, yes.

The difference lies in the individual who has the problem, and how they choose to handle it. There are a few basic approaches people take when they come against an obstacle in life.

1. Denial: This person spends a lot of time and energy trying to deny that a problem exists. However, problems rarely disappear into thin air just because we tell ourselves they aren’t there.

2. Avoidance: The person who avoids may acknowledge there is a problem, but for a variety of reasons, chooses not to act toward resolution of the problem. A common reason for this approach is fear, a belief that there is no resolution, or doubt that they are capable of doing what it takes to solve the problem.

Drug abuse is a very good example of avoidant behavior. Most of the people I have met who have issues with substance abuse are self-medicating. They are numbing themselves because for whatever reason, they don’t want to deal with some situation in their life. Unfortunately, this method of avoidance only creates more serious problems for the abuser.

People who avoid finding solutions to big problems often develop very negative feelings. These people will often spend incredible amounts of time and energy (including the energy of others) complaining and whining. They find ways to blame others for their problems, whether they say it out loud or not. They often view the world in a very pessimistic way, and become resentful and bitter toward their problem, and often toward others. *

3. The third way to deal with a problem is to acknowledge/identify the problem, take responsibility, identify a solution, and implement the solution. This approach is a process that results in growth and personal development.

In many situations, the problem you identify may be one that is impossible for you to solve. For example, somebody who has terminal cancer does not have control over their illness. They can seek appropriate medical treatment and try everything they can to fight the disease. Ultimately, the end result is really not something they can control. In situations like these, the solution is not about changing the unchangeable. The solution is in how we choose to view and deal with the situation. It is in finding how to extract value from the problem.

The frequently cited quote of Viktor Frankl , a Holocaust survivor, illustrates this point perfectly. “Everything can be taken from a man but… the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” (p.104, Man’s Search for Meaning).

This reminds me of a movie I recently saw. In this movie, there are two young boys who grow up in an orphanage. They both suffer a great deal from the pain of having no parents. Time passes and we learn that one of the boys passed through his childhood to become a happy and productive adult, who contributes significantly to the world. The other boy grows up to be his adult nemesis, always trying to ruin the man who is so successful. The difference between the two was how they chose to deal with the same situation. One took the road to success, while the other took the road to bitterness, jealousy,and unhappiness.

As I look back on my life up to this point, one thing is very clear to me. My most difficult times have been the most valuable to me. I have learned the most profound, soul changing truths when I have been in the not so pleasant trenches of humility and pain. I have developed a deep compassion for others who suffer. I have come to appreciate more deeply the good times,and the sweet things in life. Experiencing confusion has helped me understand the value of peace and clarity.

My goal with this article is not to pump you up so that you will go out looking for problems. It is to help you realize that with problems comes tremendous opportunity. If you identify yourself as being in denial or avoidance, you can consciously move toward more productive ways of dealing with your issue. If you can see a problem for what it really is, the process is so much more worthwhile. If you are in the middle of a crisis, take a moment to step outside of the situation. Think to yourself “what opportunity is this problem presenting to me? What rewards could wait at the end of this difficulty?” The answers may surprise you, and bring you some peace and hope even in the midst of a storm.

* Note: There is a time and a place for anger, sadness, denial, etc. These are all healthy and natural parts of the grieving process. The difference between healthy grieving and the issues that arise with avoidance is that with grieving, you should reach a point of acceptance and healing. The person who avoids is never able to reach this point because the issue is never addressed.