June 11th, 2007
- Don’t take another person’s reaction or anger personally , even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner.
- Focus on responding instead of reacting. Reactions to situations that anger you or make you uncomfortable are usually spontaneous, and are mostly based on initial feelings. Sometimes you may react before the other person has even finished their sentence. Responding requires that you suspend judgement and become more objective before making your next move in the interaction.
- You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know”.
- Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them.
- Improve your listening skills. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions. Try not to concentrate on what you are going to say next or what is going on outside of your converation. Give your full attention to the person you are talking to.
- Remember that what someone says and what you hear can be very different! Your personal filters, assumptions, judgements, and beliefs can distort what you hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, “Have I understood you correctly?”
- Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in accomplishing?
- Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving agenda. Don’t assume that someone will know or share your agenda. Therefore talking about what is important to you in addition to finding out what is important to the other person can help build a solid foundation for your converstation.
- Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we act in any given circumstance.
Posted in Marriage/Relationships, Personal Development |
June 24th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
[…] had been more assertive and asked for clarification, we could have avoided huge misunderstandings. Good communciation techniques , such as restating what you heard, can be very helpful […]
June 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
[…] had been more assertive and asked for clarification, we could have avoided huge misunderstandings. Good communciation techniques , such as restating what you heard, can be very helpful […]